The First One

An introduction to me and this Substack

Hello, I’m Heather.

I’m new to Substack, but not new to sharing all my innermost thoughts online. Since I was a senior in college, I’ve been blogging on various platforms about my experiences and ideas. My posts started out as a dumping ground for the labile emotions of my early 20s but then morphed into a live diary during my time in the Peace Crops. I often used posts to process events of my life, including quitting drinking and going through fertility treatments. These blogs span nearly 20 years, but posts have become more sparse until they’ve stopped completely. They are two big reasons for this: I became a therapist and a mom.

My first career out of college was in journalism, specifically as a newspaper reporter. My father was a reporter, so it made sense to join my high school newspaper. From the beginning, I had a knack for it, even if my copy was never clean. I became editor of the paper (much to the dismay of my high school enemy, or at least he thought I was his enemy) and went to journalism camp. It was a natural progression into pursing a journalism degree in college and then becoming a editor of that paper, along with stringy and interning at various newspapers throughout the state. Before I had my diploma in hand, I was hired at a daily newspaper in another state.

As a journalist, I liked talking to people and learning more about them, but I didn’t particularly enjoy the reporting piece. Not everyone wants to be in the paper nor do they agree with the facts of a story. At 23, I didn’t have thick enough skin for that type of work, so I transitioned into communications and marketing. I worked mostly at non-profits, sometimes still reporting on the side. This still allowed me to ask questions and learn about topics new to me while also writing. I took a break for a few years to serve in the Peace Corps, first in Niger then in Lesotho. Back in the U.S., I returned to public relations and marketing, this time in Chicago, before deciding I needed a career switch. I just couldn’t care about drafting emails and social media posts anymore, even if for a good cause.

I pondered graduate school for a few years before I actually applied to one. I considered social work, health communications, writing, and foreign relations. In the fall of 2017, I had hip surgery to repair a tear in my right hip, and while recovering, I called some old friends. In one of these calls, a friend said he recently developed a mission statement for his career, in part because his girlfriend lived in another state and he was trying to move closer to her. I told him my mission was to make people feel less alone. I stated this as if I had had that thought for quite some time; I had not. It just seemed that natural to me, and I knew what helping others feel less alone meant to me: counseling.

Although journalism was the career I chose, psychology and mental health had often floated around behind it. There were times when I was ready to change my major or go back to school, but I never did. Counseling had been a big part of my personal life, and it felt like something I could give to others. Yet, I couldn’t make the leap. At this point, though, I felt like I had exhausted all of my interest in marketing, communications, journalism, whatever. I needed to make a 180, and it was time to finally follow this long-held desire.

It’s always been my hope to somehow combine writing and mental health. I semi-started a mental health Instagram account, thinking I could parlay that into some kind of marketing boost or extension of my future private practice. However, my first therapy job out of school was at an inpatient psychiatric hospital. Although it was the perfect setting to train as a provisional therapist*, and I learned so much about the field and myself in those two and half years, it was a draining job. I didn’t have much left at the end of the day.

It was also at this job that I became a mother. After two years of infertility, I became pregnant with fertility treatments. I had a beautiful baby girl. Not unsurprisingly, because I had struggled with depression at other points in my life, I was sent into the throes of postpartum depression. Slowly, I crawled out of it and started to find a thriving version of myself again. A month before my daughter was to turn one, and I was to step out of the defined postpartum period, I found out that I was, unexpectedly, expecting our second child, a boy. As any mother knows, having little children has basically consumed my life outside of work. Any hobbies outside of sleeping and the occasional workout have mostly subsided.

It had been my intention to shift towards more individual therapy, like at a private practice, once I was fully licensed (although the number of hours varies by state, most licensing boards require thousands of post-graduate hours that are supervised by in an independently licensed practitioner ). I figured once I was on my own, I could find a way to incorporate writing into my career as a therapist.

My children are now 1 and 3, and I’m getting smaller chunks of time back to myself (I’m currently writing this during nap time). Also, I am fully licensed and now working as a counselor at the wellness center of a community college. At last, I’m doing the kind of work that inspired me to become a therapist. And, it seems like a good time to start building that bridge of writing and mental health.

That’s where this newsletter comes in.

I want a space to write about what I’ve learned in my four years as a therapist, but also my own mental health journey. I want to share things that have helped myself and my clients with people who have been reading my writing for years and those who just stumbled upon this Substack. I need a reason to write consistently, so here I am.

Additionally, I really want to write about perinatal issues and motherhood, things that come up some but not a lot in my current work. I am certified in Perinatal Mental Health from Postpartum Support International and have a keen interest in working with mothers and birthing parents, in part because of my own experience but also because there is just not enough support and conversations around these topics. I told myself I would never be a “mommy blogger” because I didn’t think there was much to say about the topic that hadn’t already be said. But the desire to write about all the messy emotions of pregnancy, fertility, loss, and being a mother is so strong, and I can no longer ignore it.

Some would say that I could probably create a TikTok account or do shorter versions of these posts on Instagram, but that doesn’t feel right to me. I just want to write. I am not looking to be mental health or mother influencer, although those types of accounts have a wealth of information. It’s just not me. This is.

This newsletter might not interest everyone, and that’s OK. These are purely my views, but I might make mistakes and or write things that aren’t inclusive or offended others. That’s not my intention. I want to share what I know, and that means it comes from my world, which likely will have some typos.

Please feel free to comment questions or thoughts and share with others. This is a free Substack, and although you are welcome to become a paid subscriber to help fund my writing, it’s completely voluntary and most posts will be free. However, the best and easiest way to support me is to share with others.

So, welcome to this journey. Thank you for being here.

You totally should check out …

My goal is to end each post with some kind of resource that I find useful or entertaining. This could be a book, podcast, or whatever inspires me that week. For the initial post, my recommendation is Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy Ho. I’m a big fan of the attachment work Dr. Ho does and have enjoyed her books. This podcast is a great tool for anyone who wants practical ways to better their mental health with just 10 minutes a week.

*A provisionally licensed therapist is someone who has graduated from a mental health or social work master’s or doctoral program but has not yet earned their full license. Although the number varies from state to state, all therapists must complete a certain number of hours (usually 2000 - 4,000) under the supervision of a fully licensed therapist before they can apply to hold this license, which is often referred to as a terminal license.